You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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