sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
A bitchslap is in order.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
