I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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