Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
