what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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