And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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