GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
