mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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