69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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