Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
