I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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