The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
