my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
do nipples grow back?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
