im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
