Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
