so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
