We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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