So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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