I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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