Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
