ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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