I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize