No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
