Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
