You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
