She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
