My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
