checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
