I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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