What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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