You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
