what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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