On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
