Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
