Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
