Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
