Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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