i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize