I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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