Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
