All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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