I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
40s are totally the cure
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
