my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
