cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
