You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
