come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
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He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
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I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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