shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
