I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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