Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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