he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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