i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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