I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
