Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
