I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
