At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So many bounce houses so little time
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
