I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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