Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
