Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
