New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
