Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
