I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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