ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
