apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
people are starting to question the shark bite story
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
